You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
