just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
