This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize