I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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