He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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