If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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