i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
