Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
