all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
