Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
