You're completely useless in the revolution.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
