hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
