It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
