Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And then he peed in my hair
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