Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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