I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
