No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
