so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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