oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
