so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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