My liver just broke up with me...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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