we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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