so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
