Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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