Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
