Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she told me i tasted like america
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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