Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
