some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
