i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
