I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
