I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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