your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
