the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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