The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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