OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
