he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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