3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
