six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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