i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
