So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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