No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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