I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
