it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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