she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize