Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
