so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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