What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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