why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
