When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
