Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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