I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
