he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
