I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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