last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
do nipples grow back?
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