Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
