I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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