I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
