fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
