Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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