I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
