Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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