Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
