I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
