today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
