apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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