You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
