I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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