you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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