It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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