Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I party with great urgency now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
